INTERPERSONAL SKILLS (IS)
BY PROF.M.S.RAO
According to WIKIPEDA, "Interpersonal skills refer to mental and
communicative algorithms applied during social communications and
interactions in order to reach certain effects or results".
Interpersonal
skills which are also called as social skills or human skills refer to
the ability of a person to get along well with other members in a group.
It can also be defined as the skills involved in understanding the
relations between the people. It is treated as the first and foremost
skill of the soft skills. All animals and human beings always move in
groups and it is the human beings who are blessed with the ability to
talk, reason and memorizes many things. Since man can not live alone as
he needs security, he has strong inherent motive to talk with fellow
human beings. And it is through IS he builds relationships with other
human beings and finds himself safe, secure and more comfortable. To put
it in a nut shell, the objective of IS are to communicate effectively
so as to build relationships amongst the people.
IS are
essential and has paramount importance in the creation of any
environment. It is imperative for all levels in the organization.
According to Robert K. Kalz, three skills are essential for managers;
they are technical skills which are required at their lower level of
management, conceptual skills which are a must at the top level
management as because of these skills the managers are able to see big
picture and thirdly the human skills which are required in all levels of
management i.e. lower level, middle level and top level. And
subsequently, the design skills have been added due to the fast growing
techno logical revolution. The managers never discount, nor overlook nor
underestimate the significance of human skills at work place.
Mintzberg cited studies which indicated that managers spend 45 per cent
of their contact time with peers, about 45 per cent with people outside
their units and only about 10 per cent with their superiors. This study
obviously indicates the importance of IS in every organization. It also
highlights that communications and IS are two sides of the same coin and
one without the other has no meaning. The noted business schools in
India teach everything about the technical skills and conceptual skills
and not about IS which one has to lay a lot of emphasis. The people who
are good at these skills become highly successful in their careers and
lives.
It is fundamentally the process of hearing and listening
which play a pivotal role in IS. Hearing is involuntary and it means
picking up of sound vibrations. Whereas listening is voluntary and must
be attentive and it is the process of generating sense out of sound
vibrations so received by way of hearing. For instance, when a
pedestrian walks on the road he picks many sounds and that is hearing
and when he finds the sound of horn suddenly then it is listening. The
listening is classified into active listening and passive listening. In
active listening the listener is highly attentive and alert and there is
a sense of responsibility, involvement and concentration. In passive
listening the listener just listens like a tape recorder for the sake of
listening.
What Is Time Lag?
Scientific research
reveals that most of the people can listen around 300 words per minute.
On the other hand, they can speak 150 to 200 words per minute. The gap
between the same is around 100 to 150 words per minute thus resulting
into time lag. This give rise to monotony and boredom on the part of the
listener as he is capable of listening more words but the speaker
delivers 150 to 200 words. It leads to poor listening comprehension. Of
course, God gave two ears but one tongue, may be for the same reason.
The listener should fine tune this gap by various techniques. The
listener may resort to paraphrasing during this time i.e. he must
restate in his own words whatever the speaker has said. And also, the
listener must go for note taking if he is in a position to do so.
What Is Relationship?
Franklin D.Roosevelt put it, "If civilization is to survive, we must
cultivate the science of human relationships . . . . The ability of all
people, of all kinds, to live together in the same world at peace".
Man is a social animal and he can not live alone and he always depends
on something for somewhere. He needs to survive and thrive only by
building good relations with near and dear ones. It is a combination of
biological, social and materialistic needs. Relationships; make the
world go around. Relationships are built brick by brick and it needs lot
of faith and trust with many years of continuous sustained efforts. But
it takes a few seconds to break it. Etiquette extends relations such as
using the terms like ‘thank you' when some one extends help, then again
saying ‘sorry' when some one is hurt. Such things promote healthy
relations. Memorizing the names of the people and addressing them by
adding either as prefix or suffix to the sentence, with respect, can
develop relations faster. Remembering the important events and dates of
our colleagues or friends and offering gifts on important occasions can
further relations. Calling a very close friend by his short or nick name
strengthens the relations. Defence people are very good at building
relations as they are always far away from their relatives. Only
alternative opportunity for them is to mix up with diversified people
with diversified cultures and get adjusted socially. Empathy is the best
tool to promote relationships as it requires flexibility and broadness
to step into the shoes of another and feel the pulse.
Tools for Excellent Conversation:
One who is good at conversation can develop IS automatically because
the communication process involved in it. The speaker should have
confidence in himself. He must be bold and free from all types of
inhibitions or hesitations. Any superiority or inferiority complex will
automatically vanish as one understands the niceties and pitfalls of the
other persons. It is always advisable to address the other person by
greeting such as ‘good morning' or ‘good evening' depending upon the
particular time. By greeting in the morning regularly at the work place
initiates for healthy conversation and it provides positive vibes and
the same vibes will continue till the end of the day. Active listening
is the key to any conversation. According to Carl R. Rogers and Richard
E.Farson, "There are four essential requirements for effective active
listening – intensity, empathy, acceptance and a willingness to take
responsibility for completeness". Positive presentation of the body
language leads to healthy understanding on the part of the receiver.
Continuously nodding head by the listener to the speaker arouses
interest. Smiling at an appropriate occasions encourages the speaker to
continue conversation further. By posing open ended questions rather
than close ended questions can stimulate the conversation as the close
ended questions provide a simple answer either yes or no; where as the
open ended questions stimulate the speaker to think and speak with many
details and the conversation also continues for long time. Asking
questions relevantly to the speaker creates a feeling that the other
person is listening with care and attention. Ultimately both the speaker
and the listener should make a smart exit with right etiquette. It is
always important to note that it is not the quantity but the quality of
conversation that counts.
How To Build IPS?
Never
condemn, never criticize and never complain. Always radiate energy and
enthusiasm to talk and converse with people by way of your body
gestures, facial expressions, tone control and smile. Empathy is a great
quality and it teaches us to be open, flexible and helps us to see
others' point of view also. Meet the people especially when they are in
sorrow as it provides a great source of strength and in turn
strengthening long term relations.
Never back bait and never
resort to poking or blabbing out as truth is very strong and powerful
and it will come out one day and puts the individual in a negative
light. Provide proper care and attention. Always appreciate the good and
great things in the other man. Try to see at the bright side of the
character and highlight the same. When one does good things then good
things will bounce back. Smile as and when required as per the situation
and occasion. Good communication paves the way for good IS. Resolving
the conflicts rather than promoting will help ease the situation thus
leading to better results and performance. Active listening helps and
builds skills. Right and good sense of humor will prove to be handy.
In organizations, conducting regular get together is a welcome sign.
Consistency in what one speaks with that of his body language conveys
right signals. Setting personal examples rather than theoretical
teachings would help. Sympathizing when somebody is ill or at the death
of their relatives will quickly builds relations. As the saying goes,
‘Helping hands are better than the praying lips'. Always using the words
like ‘we' rather ‘I' will not only promote togetherness but also
demonstrates strong leadership qualities.
Results:
Right IS lead to good rapport and better human relations which give rise
to conducive work climate in any organizations. The performance in the
company will rise resulting into better productivity and profitability.
Mutual trust and openness increases with in the organization. Whether it
is a manager, or leader or an entrepreneur, possession of IS are an
imperative for achieving the organizational goals and objectives.
Key Component in Soft Skills:
Soft skills are a cluster of various traits and abilities such as
communication skills, team spirit, interpersonal skills, social grace,
time management, motivation, goal setting, organizing skills, leadership
qualities, decision making, conflict management, corporate etiquette,
negotiation skills and many more. Many students after passing out of
their educational institutions possess strong technical or qualification
related skills. But hey find a great difficult in adjusting to the
organization due lack of soft skills. Even B school passed out
candidates also faces the same problem.
During Interviews:
A great emphasis is laid on IS during the interview. The employer looks
for soft skills and especially communication and IS because recruiting a
social inept person will prove to be very costly for the organization.
The interviewer poses several questions of open ended ones so as to find
out at depth the communication and IS. At the time of group discussions
and again at the time of series of interviews the psychologist analyzes
the candidates from all dimensions to see the suitability.
The
inclusion of IS and soft skills in the academic curriculum from XI
standard onwards will prove useful and the students gets tuned to it
automatically and they feel comfortable when they pass out of academic
institutions.
To sum up, having excellent command over IS and
maintaining sound relationships either in our personal or professional
life is essential. We all interact with many people in our day to day
life from dawn to dusk and possession of IS will prove to be highly
productive and fruitful.
T H E E N D
